Long story short, someone asked me to take a look because the server was barfing. Turns out that the board was saving error logs that were hundreds of MB large (if not in the GB range, each) and it ran out of disk space. Nuked that post-haste, then it turns out that the 'cache' folder isn't just for error-dumping and IPB is too stupid to rebuild the cache when it vanishes, so after I declared the forums working, the only thing working was the index page (and even then most of the generic text was missing). Fast forward another hour and (after much dicking around in the admin panel with half the text gone) I finally rebuilt the language cache, fixing that issue, and about 20 minutes of stumbling around later I rebuilt the skin cache and everything is now fine, nothing is wrong. I also set up a cron job to periodically (that is, every fucking minute) wipe out the error log because that shit grows up to 60 MB in the span of a few minutes. Hopefully this doesn't happen again.